William Fucking Shatner
My brother witnessed a parade of recognizeable faces at a Starbucks in Studio City recently. Some of these folks amount to faces you’d know, like the Warden from The Shawshank Redemption, or names you’d know, like Eric Estrada. A guy from Star Trek VI was in there, too. All of this leads up to, culminates with, you guessed it, accompanied by his two dobermans, the master of the double-leg body-slam and the Starfleet axe-handle karate-chop, the man who was both Kirk and Hooker: Shatner.

My brother has long maintained that William Shatner should do the Cher thing and just become “Shatner.” Although I’m not sure I agree, I have absently adopted the habit all the same. More often than not, now, I just say Shatner!

Tyler Durden: Who would you fight?
Narrator: Shatner. I’d fight William Shatner.

Noise: Ella Fitzgerald or David Sedaris, I can’t tell which.

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