Thousandth
Honestly, I’m surprised that I’ve only written a thousand posts in the last eight years, but here it is: #1,000. Because a variety of things have me reminiscing, right now, and because the other 999 posts don’t get much play after the week they’re posted, I thought I’d take a short tour back through some of the back catalog here at the site, to see if I can’t entice you to go digging through the old posts, to see what’s old and what’s aged, like wine… and what’s turned to vinegar.
Then I spent an hour going through old posts and realized, hey, that’s a shitty idea. The archives are full of me being wrong about all kinds of stuff, and right (really right) about just a little bit. So instead of that, I’m just going to link you back to post #1, and offer you my back catalog of cringe-worthy hackery.
You know about the archives accessible at the bottom of the sidebar, right?
I started this blog just before I left Chicago for the Twin Cities, to take up my first full-time gaming job. I was on a writing assignment for Kindred of the Ebony Kingdom, back then, and coming back from the library at the Field Museum, when I wrote this, from my first blog entry ever:
Outside all of this, down the tracks and jutting up into the white sky, is the Cook County jail. Tiny, arrow-slit-like windows are cut into the side of that weird building, which gives the distinct impression from the platform that there is no way out. As though the inmates were interred while the building was going up.
I sat down and cranked out that first entry from mental notes I made while standing on an L platform, unsure who would read it or why, or where I’d be living in a few weeks’ time. I knew I was standing on the verge of something, but I had no idea what was ahead — the jobs I’d have, the places and the pain I’d see, the friends who would bail and the friends who would stay.
We may not have known each other then, you and I, if we even know each other now, and whatever we thought about the future I’m willing to bet we didn’t see it coming. Not all of it.
In August of 2002, I discovered that gist means “to lie,” and I wrote this nugget:
Every person should be an authority on themselves. Just a thought.
I still think that’s true, and I think a look at this blog’s long history just might make you an authority on me. I’m not 100% crazy about the portrait of me that you get from looking at these posts, but who really likes a mirror, really?
Looking back through old posts here, I see some movie reviews, some short updates on things I’m reading and buying, some gloating over books bought, and a lot of emphasis on DVDs. I was a materialistic schmuck these past 1,000 posts, wasn’t I?
That’s something I can look at, though, and identify as a character arc. I was materialistic… in a way that I’m not anymore. Not quite. I can start to see some of my character emerging — selfish, material, and sometimes droll — and I get a clearer vision of where I was then and where I am now.
That, if nothing else, starts to make this thing valuable; the blog as time-lapse reflection of myself.
Another change in my character: I used to spotlight things that I found exciting or delightful on the Internet — things like artists I was working with — in a way that I don’t anymore. I can tell you why that is: latent fear. I have been afraid that you’ll leave if I think the wrong thing is cool. How pathetic is that? But there it is. In part, this is because I assume that you’ve already seen the neat thing I’d point you to. In part, this is because of that fear. I’ve been rejected before and I didn’t want it to happen again.
Fuck that. I may not start blogging movie reviews again anytime soon, but I don’t think I want to go on being afraid to admit that I like some silly shit, some lame movies, some rote music. What a waste of energy.
It’s been a weird, bent road to get to this one-thousandth post. A lot of good things have happened. Some bad things have happened. We didn’t all make it, and we didn’t all make it together, but here we are now, a thousand silly blog posts later… and once again Sara and I are on the verge of something. I won’t say what. But things are rumbling again and changes may be lurking about. We’ll know soon enough, I guess.
In the meantime, thank you for being here. We haven’t always gotten along, you and I, but I’m glad you’re around. Thanks for watching as I become — so gradually — an authority on myself.
Music: Sigur Rós, “Hoppipolla”
I’m in for the next 1,000. It will be a good ride.
– c.
Much obliged, you shining knight of the Internet.